2019 has been a year of serious reflection for me. This week I share my thoughts on what this past year has looked like, and what I’m planning for with my New Year’s Resolution for 2020.

Without a doubt 2019 was one of the hardest years for me both physically, mentally, emotionally, personally, and professionally. I started it off with my 3rd shunt adjustment since November and with deciding to end my physical therapy appointments with the facility I was originally referred to and start at a new facility closer to home. The holidays at the end of 2018 weren’t exactly memorable for me, thanks to my various medications I lacked a sense of taste and nausea made it difficult to enjoy family dinners. I cried because I was in pain and sad, and I was barely able to get around without the use of a walker. I was desperately hoping for a better 2019 and vowed that my holiday season would be better next year.

Fast forward to today, Christmas Eve, and I can say for certain that this year the holidays are going to be far more enjoyable. At the end of October, I had double eye muscle surgery to correct my long-standing double vision, and it was a success. Since then, I have been able to resume many normal activities that I was barred from doing before such as driving a car, and it’s helped ease many of my dizziness, nausea, and balances symptoms I was having. Overall, being able to have that surgery and have it be successful has made a world of a difference for me. I have been able to start making small trips into work on my own for meetings and important events and will return full time on 1/2/2020. I was able to go do my Christmas shopping, visit with friends and family, and other things that are so small but so impactful in my day to day life. I can also see the world with two eyes and not one, which has been the biggest change of all.

When I look back on the last year, and where I was this time in 2018 or early 2019 I am in such a better place now. Sometimes in order to see the gains I’ve made I have to look at the bigger picture and not just the last few weeks or two months, but several months or a year back instead. I have truly come a long way with my recovery from the two brain injuries. I think a lot of this success came from my physical therapy team. I changed over to one of our local physical therapy offices in mid-January 2019, and the team there has been amazing. It’s a small place, operated by one person and an assistant. They both care deeply about my recovery and have experience with complicated patients and brain trauma patients like myself. I was able to go more frequently because it was closer to home (10 minutes away vs. 1 hour away) and got better care than at the first facility. I also think the pressure from my parents to get up and move and be active, the support of my family, friends, and coworkers also played a huge role in me recovering so well. But most importantly, my medical team, who every time I had a new symptom or continued issue worked to address it as quick as possible. They referred me to Mass Eye & Ear for the Neuro-Ophthalmology consult and got me into capable hands to solve my vision issues. They also worked tirelessly to keep on top of me and all my shunt complications and do a diligent follow-up. Plus they have been extremely supportive and empathetic on a level that is just so hard for many to comprehend when you think of medical facilities or specialty offices because not all are like this.

When I say it was a hard year mentally, physically, emotionally, personally, and professionally, I do mean that. Mentally, I struggled with depression during many of the months after the new year before I started to see some real progress in my recovery. I was feeling helpless and hopeless like there was no light at the end of the tunnel of the many complications and setbacks. Physically, I am weaker than I once was, I lost a lot of weight (a lot of which I have gained back, unfortunately) due to nausea, and the anatomy of my head and neck have changed thanks to the extremely invasive surgeries. I don’t have good balance and I’m often still dizzy which I have to visit a specialist to try and resolve. Emotionally, I was sad and drained most of the time and it took a lot out of me to remain positive because I know it could have been so much worse. Personally, I took many steps backward in my own personal life. I was in isolation for the last year with minimal contact with people, I didn’t attend many social events, and I lost a lot of my independence. Professionally, I lost more than half a year of my professional career where I was not able to make progress towards my career goals and aspirations or grow in my current role while on medical leave. I also struggled once I came back full-time and had a rough transition back into my job and the changes that came while I was out. However, all of these things did make me a stronger person and helped shape me into the person I am today. As horrible as this experience was, I also wouldn’t change it for the world. I have a new look on my life, I was able to reflect on my career, my skill sets, and what I wanted out of what I was doing. It allowed me to start this blog and eventually help me get my podcast up and running. I am also more grateful, I have a great sense of gratitude for every little thing in my life. I won’t learn to take things for granted because nothing in this life is guaranteed.

When I look forward to 2020 I am looking at a new decade. The last 10 years have been filled with many highs and lows. I graduated high school, graduated college, started my professional career, lost my grandmother, suffered two traumatic brain injuries, had 3 major surgeries, bounced back from it all, was able to grow in my current job, and have created a game plan for my career moving forward, among many other things. I’ve overcome a lot of obstacles and challenges that were placed in front of me for the last 2 years. When I look at 2020 I am looking at a new version of me. I want to be healthier, I want to be stronger, I want to grow more as a person, dive into philanthropy and help create more awareness around brain tumors and hydrocephalus, and the impact that brain injuries have on people. I want to make a difference in my own life and in other people’s lives. This for me will be a year of great change, moving upward and onward from all that I went through. I still have obstacles and hurdles in front of me as I continue what will be a long recovery, but I am ready to take them on. I’m determined that 2020 will be MY YEAR and I have been “guaranteed” this by many people.

Below are my personal goals for 2020, they may not exactly line up with what your goals are, but THAT’S OK. The point of this blog was to share my 2019 reflections, maybe help you reflect a little on your own year and life, and help set your goals for 2020 and OWN THIS YEAR. I don’t think this will be just my year, it can and WILL be YOUR year too.

2020 New Year’s Resolutions:

1.) Become the healthiest version of ME - I lost a lot of weight, but due to medical reasons in the last year. It was an unhealthy loss and it wasn’t just fat but a lot of muscle tone. With my lack of taste I was eating a very bland diet, and now that I have normal taste again and am out and about my eating habits are a little out of control. So in the new year, I want to get back to a more healthy diet but also start working out more. PT has been a great way for me to try and stay fit, and I want to take this opportunity to be the healthiest and best version of myself that I can be.

2.) Let my creativity soar - This blog has been a great creative outlet for me since the two brain injuries, but I want to take this blog to the next level and really turn it into the passion project and business that I see it becoming. I also am really looking forward to getting my podcast up and off the ground in 2020 to act as a live version of this blog, interviewing friends, family, and industry professionals on many of the topics I discuss here.

3.) Own my career - 2019 was a great time of reflection for me. I realized what I really wanted out of my career and where I see myself going with this job. Tapping into my strongest skill set and what I am passionate about will no doubt help, but working with my bosses on my Personal Development plan is definitely going to help me achieve those goals. I have a vision of where I see myself professionally and am ready to take all the next steps to get there.

4.) Be more philanthropic - I realized that I am not alone in my health battles, and although what I dealt with is rare, I also wasn’t a textbook case. I want to raise awareness around brain tumors, traumatic brain injuries, and hydrocephalus. I also want to help provide funding for more research and support for families and patients who may experience what I did.

5.) Become independent - In many ways, it was good that I hadn’t quite put a down payment on a house or found an apartment yet and paid first and last month’s rent plus security. The last year I haven’t been able to be independent and needed to live with and lean on family. This year, I want to be more financially secure and start planning for my move into either an apartment, condo, townhouse, or an actual home and creating the life that I have always envisioned. Setting myself a timeline, budgeting, and using the necessary tools and resources will help me successfully achieve this goal.

6.) Just Live - This year I want to actually enjoy my life. I want to go on vacations, I want to attend concerts, go to movies, spend time with friends and family, and not miss out on major events and milestones for both myself but my loved ones. I WILL be attending a convention in San Antonio for agriculture that I won a scholarship for this year, and I will travel and do my annual birthday getaway with one of my oldest and dearest friends. Now that I am on the upward trajectory of this recovery I am going to take full advantage of each moment I have to live, because the future is not always guaranteed.

Any of these resolutions aligning with any of your own? Have a 2020 resolution that you want to share? Drop a comment down below! Happy New Year everyone!